like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
