It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
