Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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