Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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