I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
