remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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