We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
They took my balls.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
