This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize