I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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