turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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