If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
