I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
being pregnant is like rehab
I will pee on everything he values.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
