on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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