I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
