I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I didn't shave. On purpose
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
