The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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