I will die if light touches me.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
