Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
