she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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