Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
