He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
