So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she looked like the before picture.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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