that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I want to fling myself into the sun
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
