I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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