I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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