Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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