haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
