Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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