She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
