he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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