Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
This girl is more easily done than said...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
