she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
