I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
