Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
