I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
