she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize