she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
