Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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