i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You took a bar mat shot.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
