i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
