The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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