My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
