I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
