P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
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