we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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