Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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