So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
