Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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