Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
