Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
