im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
