dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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