he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize