i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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