Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize