i don't like sucking hair
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
