I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
