hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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