we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
