Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize