I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
