if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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