I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You are a genius and a whore.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
