how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
