david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
