All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
