Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
