i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
