New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
