I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize