I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Is Oprah even human
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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