I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
