Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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