I'm gonna have a badass scar
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
