Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Come share oat with me in your robe
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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