I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
