i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize