Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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