I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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