Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
