his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
