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Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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