worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
