We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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