I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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