i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
