Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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