Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize