I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
