I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i came on her dog
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
