Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize