genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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