we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
