We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
