I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
