i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
