So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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