we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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