Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
