i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
