Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
