Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize