we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
