Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
