One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
