You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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