i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
