Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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