you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
