I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
