Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
