It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
