apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
