you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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