so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
