It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
