Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
