You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
