I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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