a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
